b"infant or child during a moment of conflict can be accomplished them, and will bring it up again with a respectful question the nextby explaining briefly that its okay to feel unhappy about getting time we have a peaceful moment to chat. A few days later, youdressed, or about not being held, and that we are going to get might find out that there is a strong tradition in the familys culturethem dressed or put them down anyway, because its time to do of spoon-feeding children for a longer time, and that would be anthat.Addingabecauseallowsustoacknowledgetheir opportunity to offer further information about your knowledge andperspective,andalsoexplainwhywearenotfollowingtheir beliefs about the development of childrens feeding habits. Youpreference. For example: I hear you crying. You dont want me canprovideitasanadditionalsourceofinformation,withoutto change your diaper right now. Im going to change your diaper judging the familys own knowledge and beliefs which are rootedanyway, because I want to keep your skin healthy. Its okay that in their cultural traditions.you dont like it. Even when you dont like it, I will always keep youhealthy.Wecanacknowledgeeachpersonsperspectiveand C IS FOR CONNECTIONfeelings even when we are not going to follow their preferences! Connecting with other people is at the heart of healthy humanAnd its okay for them to not like that. Its okay for them to cry to existence. From before birth, we are wired to connect with othercommunicate that they dont like it. We can accept and mirror peoplethrougheyecontact,physicaltouch,andotherveryback our perception of their feelings through narrating what we powerful experiences. Experiencing connection with sensitive andare observing. And here is a bonus: when the little person feels responsiveadultsduringinfancyiscriticallyimportantfortheacknowledged, they dont cry as much or as hard because they entire duration of the infants lifespan. Infants who miss out on thefeel heard and know they are safe. connection dimension of care miss the opportunities to developessential interpersonal and cognitive skills, as we learned from theB IS FOR BELIEFS & BIASES heart-rending experiences of the infants and children who wereneglected in the orphanages in Romania, and who continued toOur beliefs underlie and inform our actions, words, choices, and experience challenges long after being placed with stable andperceptions. Sometimes we are aware of how our beliefs shape caringfamilies.However,childrenwhoweremovedintocaringwhat we perceive and what we choose, and sometimes we are and supportive homes before two years of age were able to revisitNOTawareofhowourbeliefsareinteractingwithand andtakeadvantageofmostofthemissedopportunities,andinfluencing our interpersonal experiences. This is what the word though their brains were measurably smaller, by the age of eightbias means. Bias is an inescapable aspect of human existence, years old, their brain activity looked much like children who hadand not something to feel ashamed or judge ourselves harshly not experienced neglect. Connecting with an infant can be veryabout, because we cannot help the fact that bias occurs. What naturallyaccomplishedduringcaregivingroutines,suchaswe CAN do is make a commitment to examine our perceptions feeding, bathing, and diapering, but it can also take place in aand choices with the intention of becoming more aware so we thousand small moments during the day, such as by approachingcan better understand how those perceptions and choices are the infant and taking a moment to look directly into their eyes andbeingaffectedbyourunexaminedassumptionsandbeliefs. smile, then calmly and clearly communicate what you are about toSocrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living for a do. For example, after finishing a diaper change, you can say,human being, and this is the basic point here: we, as caregivers Are you ready for me to pick you up? and hold your hands out toand as human beings, can choose to investigate how our own showyourintentiontopickthemup.Thenyoucanwaitforaformationasapersonisexpressedinourprofessionaland moment, and allow their slower and less-efficient neural pathwayspersonal lives. Evaluating and reflecting on our own underlying the time required for them to process your language (includingbeliefs is at the core of anti-bias professional practice, which is your words, your tone of voice, your facial expression, and youran evidence-based best practice in education and caregiving. body language) and then the time required for them to formulateBroadening our understanding of ourselves is both a challenge aresponse,suchasstraighteningtheirbackandliftingtheirandarewardofbeinganti-biaseducatorsandcaregivers shoulders slightly. Even a newborn infant can show you with their(NAEYC, p. 8), and it looks kind of like this: I felt so frustrated body that they are ready for you to pick them up. Try it and see!today when my bosses and I talked about continuing to spoon-feed my toddler charge. The child is showing signs of readinessto use utensils, and I believe that this the best time to start. But Editor's Note: This is the first in a series on the ABCs of Respectful Care.the family might have other values and concerns that I dont know References and further information are available on childmagicllc.com. about, so I chose to accept their decision without contradicting Visit NannyMag.com to read more.DANIELLE BUJNAK Danielle Bujnak is an experienced Early Childhood Educator with more than two decades of experience guiding andcaring for infants, children, and their families in a wide variety of settings. Danielle has been a nanny, governess, andMaster Newborn Care Specialist, as well as teacher for children of all ages. She has supported families in privatefamily residences, through homeschooling, daycare, preschools, and Montessori and Waldorf-based early childhoodprograms. Her California Child Development Permit qualifies her at the Master Teacher and Site Supervisor levels,licensing her to run a multi-classroom preschool or daycare for infants and children, and to guide and mentor otherteachers in best practices. After completing a graduate-level certificate in Early Childhood Education, Danielle iscurrently completing an MSc in childrens mental health and special education, following the Constructivist approach."