b'You can even add in clapping or other body actions, so long asthey do not interfere with performing the actual tasks.Onadeeperlevel,beingabletopredictwhatcomesnextispretty much the only level of control that an infant or young childcanreasonablyattain.Theirjudgmentisnotgreatandtheycannot be given much autonomy or control, but when the infantor child experiences making predictions about what comes next L IS FOR LISTENING AND LIMITS AND LOVE(and is correct about the prediction), that experience lays a deepandenduringneurologicalframeworkforfutureskillslike We often hear what children say, but how often do we really listen?Remember H is for a hundred languages? That also means there areproblem-solving and delayed gratification. a hundred ways of listening. We can listen by watching the newbornseyes and responding to what they are sharing with us. We can alsoK IS FOR KINDNESS listen by providing a firmer limit where a child is pushing hard forsecurity.It may seem obvious, but yes: Respectful Care means being kind. Italso means expecting kindness in return, because respect exists in Listening is deeply related to limits, and healthy limits come fromall dimensions and directions in Respectful Care, not just from the love. We listen and observe and interpret the childs needs, and thenSomeone to the child. Modeling is by far the most effective mode of we create and maintain limits that keep them safe, like the fencesinstruction for teaching infants and children (and adults), and we and gates. We likewise listen and observe and interpret the childsmodel kindness in order to be genuinely respectful. It also inspires needsforothertypesoflimits,includingthepredictabilityofthe child to mirror our kindness and respond similarly to us and to consistent routines that offer reassurance as well as the promise ofothers.future functionality in important skills like resisting peer pressure. Its not really necessary to tell a child to say please and thank you AsensitiveandresponsiveSomeonesetslimits,andevenmorebecause if their Someone says please and thank you regularly, importantly holds them, because they love the child and want themthenthechildwilldosospontaneouslyandwithoutanydirect to be safe and healthy. Any limit that I choose to hold with a child ininstruction. I choose to sometimes use the phrase Would you be so mycarecanactuallybereducedtoasimpleexpressionofthiskind as to (pass me the salt or whatever)? instead of always just keeps you safe or this keeps you healthy (or this keeps me orsaying please. I feel thrilled and excited to hear children in my someone else safe or healthy). Healthy interpersonal relationshipscare begin to say Would you be so kind as to pass me the butter? are an integral part of overall health, so showing respect to otherseven though I have NEVER ONCE encouraged them to say that.with kindness is definitely a limit I am willing to set and hold. Sometimes we can ask a meaningful question as a prompt to their Anotherimportantdimensionofthecuratedenvironmentisthinking, such as What is a friendly way to ask me that? I dont like explaining to the child that we keep them safe and healthy becausebeing ordered around. Nobody really likes being ordered around. we love them. They dont automatically know this, so we have to tellBut that is quite different from commanding them to Say the magic them. Once they understand that love for them and keeping themword or other mode of direct instruction in using polite words.safe and healthy is the motivation for the limits that they might notlike, and once they know that we are listening to their feelings andInterestingly, children also learn when we model being impolite, and responses from a place of love, they feel reassured. Paradoxically,when we attempt to control or dominate them in order to manage they push less against the limits because limit-testing is always antheir behaviors. They very quickly absorb the lesson we are teaching expression of feeling insecure. theminthisamazingandpowerfulmode,andtheybegintoexperimentwithbeingimpoliteandattemptingtocontroland When a child is acting out, they are telling us, I feel overwhelmeddominate others in order to manage their behaviors (especially their and my skills arent enough to handle this situation. Please help me!youngersiblings,iftheyhaveany).Modelingkindnessisa When we listen to this message with love, it is easier to hold the limitschallengingyetveryrewardingcomponentofacurated and provide the security and predictability that the child needs inenvironment.order to develop those skills to cope with future situations. DANIELLE BUJNAK Danielle Bujnak is an experienced Early Childhood Educator with more than two decades of experience guiding andcaring for infants, children, and their families in a wide variety of settings. Danielle has been a nanny, governess, andMaster Newborn Care Specialist, as well as a teacher for children of all ages. She has supported families in privatefamily residences, through homeschooling, daycare, preschools, and Montessori and Waldorf-based early childhoodprograms. Her California Child Development Permit qualifies her at the Master Teacher and Site Supervisor levels,licensing her to run a multi-classroom preschool or daycare for infants and children, and to guide and mentor otherteachers in best practices. After completing a graduate-level certificate in Early Childhood Education, Danielle iscurrently completing an MSc in childrens mental health and special education, following the Constructivist approach.'